in the city without sex

18Jun08

One sunny Saturday evening after hiking and making fun of people having sex on the Vodno in the middle of the day and just next to the main road we were sitting in the restaurant of Panelejemon monastery – we, three girls – Dejana from Macedonia, currently living and working in Russia, Hungarian volunteer Viktorija and me, volunteer from Latvia.

“What can you tell about Russian people?” asked Viktorija.

Me as the person living in country with Russians as almost half of population and Dejana was wondering what to answer her.

“They are the same as Macedonian people,” I told her. “Just more true in relations: saying directly, what they want, how they feel…”

“At first Russians are so cold and unfriendly, but after they will be your best friends”, in another conversation said Antoine, French guy who spend year in Russia.

After seven months in Macedonia I have took over a lot of Macedonian habits and elements of lifestyle. But there is something I could never accept: lying and pretending in love, in any kind of relationships.

Why to tell somebody who is close to you, whom you maybe even love, so much lies? Why to lie about your feelings, attitudes and intentions, if it is so obvious that you are lying? I never met here a guy who could survive a single hour without lying. But is there something more valuable in the relationship than mutual trust? Even if it is just a sex and you both never planned to be together involved in a serious relationship?

Yes, we can call some people, like Russians, for example, as cold. But also coldness is a part of true attitude. Because you know what to expect from this person and he or she knows what to expect from you. And it is much better than being with somebody who is talking and behaving like loving you or wanting to be your friend but who actually never meant it. With somebody who chooses words to be nice and maybe not t hurt you… but in the same time when you believed these words and after realized that it is not true pain is even bigger. Some my friend said that at the end all the guys are the same shit. So why to be a shit instead of making some relations on open and honest basis?

“And girls here are even worse than guys,” said Dejana. “They can lie for years. If they don’t want to be with some guy they will not tell him it openly, as well as they will not tell to him directly, if they want him.” It is like endless game, false communication and false relationship.

It is difficult to understand it, especially if you come from culture where people say directly “I want you” or “I want to have sex with you” and they also will say directly that they don’t want anything. Not saying maybe, not saying that they are busy today and this kind of bullshit.

It is of course so difficult to show your true emotions, thoughts and to discover your true you to somebody else. Maybe you’ll then be hurt, maybe you’ll feel pain. But also brave is a personal trait which we usually respect a lot in the people, especially in the men. Unfortunately almost never they are brave enough to say truth.

Sometimes after the conversation with some guy I’d just like to scream… why are you lying? Because I see so well that you are lying and lying anyhow doesn’t make things better. It doesn’t help to solve problems and it doesn’t improve perceptions of you and attitudes towards you….

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